Tag Archives: Love

Confidence

So far, 2016 has been a journey of self-discovery in both my personal and professional life. One of my main points of focus in both aspects of my life has been working on my confidence. 

A lot has changed in a few short months. At work, I would be placed in a situation where I needed to make a decision that was slightly above my pay grade, but I was capable of making those decisions – I just wasn’t ever confident in actually doing it. Now that I’m having to make more and more of them, and being expected to now that I am acting as a “team captain” of sorts, I have been working on exuding confidence in my decisions and accepting critique if I make the wrong decision. So far, so good. 

 
In my personal life, it’s been somewhat similar. Allen and I were faced with an important decision to make – and we needed to be confident in our choice. The stakes were impossibly high, and the stress had pushed my heart rate and blood sugar averages both even higher. After a lot of talking and soul-searching, we made the decision to leave our church that we’ve attended for the last 10 years. 
(I have to sidebar here for a couple reasons. First, people don’t just LEAVE the church organization we were attending. Especially people who are seen as lifers – ones that will be there forever, which we were. Second, we didn’t leave on bad terms – in fact, we were given the Pastor’s blessing to leave the church and were told that we were welcome back at any time. It was incredibly amicable.)

  
However, no one really knows the full reasons behind our decision to leave, and due to that, plus the fact that nobody leaves the church, we’ve been ostracized by our peers. Being treated as if you’re dead is harder than I even imagined. Especially when it’s people you’ve grown up with for the past 10 years – people you’ve watched graduate high school (and did their senior pictures), people whose weddings you’ve attended (and even photographed), people who have spent countless hours at your house for youth nights and who you called honest-to-God friends before you made the decision to leave. 

It hurts that your supposed “friends and family” for the last decade don’t even ASK what happened – they assume they know, or just don’t even care. But, I’m confident in knowing that our true friends will be there for us as we go through this adjustment period. I’m confident that we’ll come out of this stronger, smarter and better off. I’m also confident that we made the right decision for our health, happiness, and overall life direction. And lastly, I’m confident that if people truly care about what’s going on in our lives, why we left, or want to be our friends, then they’ll come around. Otherwise, it was all fake, and we’re better off without it. 

Why am I talking about all this? Well, my Fitbit had made sure I knew that my resting heart rate was way too high, and my Dexcom made it painfully obvious that I was dealing with stress highs. In the days after we left, my blood sugar and heart rate averages both dropped dramatically. 

   
Confidence is so important, and it’s something I’ve always struggled with, but no more. I want to be the best me that I can be, in every aspect of my life.   

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Photo Swap

Facebook has been a wonderful way to meet people in different communities – I’ve met a ton of people through the DOC (Diabetic Online Community) through various Facebook groups, but I’ve also made connections with numerous photographers as well. Most of the photographers are very far away from me, however I met a lady named Sarah who lives only an hour and a half away from me.

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Just recently, we were able to meet up (finally!) for a trade session – we took photos of Sarah and her husband, Chris, and she took photos of Allen and I.

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Filed under Fashion, LeWayne Productions, Real life

Behind-the-Scenes of Fall 2014

I am a terrible blogger. I knew I uploaded these photos, but apparently I never actually posted the post. So, here are some of the random behind the scenes photos I found while editing all the weddings we did at the tail end of last year.

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This is me talking with the videographer at a wedding in Detroit. It was a 10 hour wedding, our longest so far. It was such a blast!

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This is also from the Detroit wedding. The guy who caught the garter had to also remove it from the girl who caught the bouquet. They didn’t know each other. It was awkward and hilarious!

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One more from the Detroit wedding. Allen was testing the flash to get some awesome motion shots of people dancing and said “hey!” so this was me in the middle of turning around to see what he wanted and being blinded by the flash.

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This is from a golf course wedding in Saginaw. I shot this wedding alone, but Allen was there when I needed a break to check my sugar, etc. So I made him my stand-in to get my exposure for the family / group photos while the receiving line was finishing.

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This is from a Kalamazoo wedding in October for a friend from college. The church was absolutely gorgeous. Allen and the groom were talking in the balcony while I was taking some shots of the church.

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Here’s another from the Kalamazoo wedding. The bride was getting ready, and I caught my own reflection in the mirror. Of course these end up getting either cropped or deleted, but not without a giggle.

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Last one from the Kalamazoo wedding. Allen was getting the girls in place for some gorgeous airplane photos.

Our first 2015 wedding is just a couple weeks away, so I’m sure I’ll have more fun bloopers and behind the scenes photos soon. I’m excited for this year! It’s gonna be a great one.

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Who Would Want to Associate with Someone Whose Entire Future is a Series of Question Marks?

The other day I was feeling down. Not just a normal down, but a MAJOR down that I don’t feel very often. I was frustrated. I had been having one of the worst blood sugar days since diagnosis full of rapid spikes and rapid drops, and the combination of that plus hormones plus stress was not a good mix.

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I’ve always had a a wide social circle. It’s one of the benefits/downfalls of being “an introvert with an extroverted personality” (Read about that here). But over the years due to different reasons, my circle has shrunk. And it feels like since diagnosis and especially since I became a diabetes advocate, I’ve become distant from nearly everyone.

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Just because I’m bionic doesn’t mean I’m not still human. It doesn’t mean I don’t need support too. I try to be strong but I’m far from it most days.

Musing in between lows, I tweeted the title of this post. Why? Because it’s a valid thought and an honest observation. When someone goes through something that is just too difficult to understand or deal with, the [unfortunate] normal human response is to pull away. Self preservation? Probably..

I mean, I get it. Diabetes is flippin scary. A lot of diseases and disorders are scary, and it would probably be difficult to be friends with someone who could be alive and “fine” one day and not wake up the next. That is hard for me to imagine and I’m the one that could not be here tomorrow. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t need love and support too.

So love a diabetic today. They might need that little extra boost of love and support more than you realize.

(Special thanks to my friend Amanda Arce who said the right thing at the right time in response to my tweet. Thank you!)

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Happy Anniversary!

I’m a little late, but yesterday was my four year wedding anniversary! I’m going to try to keep it short and sweet.

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Everyone needs someone

I’m a firm believer that living with type 1 diabetes would be a nearly impossible and miserable experience if I wasn’t lucky enough to have my husband by my side. (yes, this is going to be one of THOSE posts. Kind of.)

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